Women’s Rights

It has come to the point where pretty much everyday, my news feed is bombarded with news stories of women’s rights, and usually, it is some form of (as much as I disdain the utilization of this imagery) vagina hats and women performing in the streets. As a mother of 3 outstanding, beautiful daughters and one amazing step daughter, I feel this is not the image the generations prior were fighting for ladies.

So, I am going to speak my perspective over the debate regarding women’s rights, because that’s what it is, my perspective. Now, this is an educated perspective, for I have witnessed the evolution of the stay at home mother bound by her vows of till death do you part, to the first generation of mass divorce, to being part of the following generation that also saw it’s own battle continue. So, it is with that lens of my grandmother, my 5 aunts, several female cousins, and my own personal experiences that I feel I am qualified to speak up in spite of my imperfections. Because truth is, we all have them.

When all this began, women were not allowed to vote, weren’t allowed to speak up for themselves, and the continued retribution that occurred for having an opposing opinion in regards to the common housewife’s household duties. They were to be seen and not heard ultimately, and thus had to be entirely supportive of the man’s doctrine of the household, and when in private, could be beaten without retribution for having a disagreeing opinion, or perspective, from the head of the household. It was not even considered that she had been home, tending the children, the household necessities, tending to the ill, both at home and within her community. It was apparent that a time of change needed to occur, for their were real issues not being addressed, up to and including brutal assault with injuries including broken ribs, concussions, cracked skulls, and so on as part of that community healing project that was part of women’s duties.

So, two woman, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony, united into one voice in order to speak of the ill treatment of their sisters during life’s daily routine. They found a voice. They took a stand. They spoke out loud. They said this has to change. Their voice spread like a wave of confidence, and is still being spoken today. Women’s rights. However, not once did they utilize the imagery of their anatomy, and though I respect that in this world of modern technology, one may feel that shock value is the way to obtain the attention, it is not.

Class, dignity, grace. These are missing from today’s monologue of women’s rights. And, it’s a shame. For on one side of the equation, we have strong, smart, witty, intelligent women taking a stand against the utilization of sex being necessary to further a career, and instead requesting the respect of having a sentient brain capable of rational thought and decision. She does not want to be seen as just a physical form there to satisfy every whim and fancy placed before her like a door mat, and thus feels that the choice is hers to say no more. No more will I just be seen as a physical manifestation of your desire while having the internal realms of my soul and personality ignored to the point of shutdown.

On the other side of the aisle, we have vaginas dancing in the streets. Really! Can we see how perhaps you are going the wrong way about this ladies? Screaming in the streets while wearing your anatomy on you head is not the solution here.

In stead we need to continue the tradition of honoring women who have endured the brutality that women regularly face. We need to continue to believe that children have the right to have 2 parents in this world instead of 1 dead at the hands of the other. We need to continue to understand that till death do us part is not in the best interest of the children created via the union. We need to stop seeing children as a choice, and stop seeing abortion as the solution to a problem unless there is a medical reason to do so. We need to encourage adoption, and maintaining a relationship with the biological mother and father; thus honoring the soul that was created via this union, while bestowing  a deepest desire of a woman whom is chosen to be the mother in her place, thus maintaining the best interest of the child in the process, for a child will not have to question the identity of where they came from, for they will know, even if they don’t always like the answers. Ultimately, in the end, a mother loved her child so much, and yet, she knew she could not accomplish the needs of her child, and so placed her child in a safe, stable, loving home when she could not provide such needs herself.

We need to stop encouraging the player mentality, the hit it and quit it scenarios that have played out for the last two generations. We need to stop allowing father’s to sign their rights, and start making them equally responsible in the equity of responsibility of the raising of the child(ren), both financially and emotionally. We need to understand that their relationship and bond with the child is hugely important in the development of a child’s psyche while maintaining the right to dissolve the marriage and choosing to support their half of their responsibility while the father maintains his with a separate personal life.

We need to honor and respect the step mother instead of portraying her as the evil step monster because she is there, walking in shoes, you as the ex wife understands, and you know exactly how hard her job is because you too lived it once.

We need to enforce laws and learn to handle rape victims without making them feel as though they are the ones on trial. Not all rape victims are beaten, as some women are too scared to fight, or don’t know how. Some are grabbed and pinned down so fast that in spite of their struggles, they are penetrated anyway. We need to truly understand what rape is, so that we can start respecting the two way communication of just what the definition of NO means.

Women need to unite in a organized fashion, with respect, dignity, honor and courage. We need to share the stories of the previous generations, in spite of how dark some aspects may be, for there was a reason she did what she did; standing and walking away from you. And maybe, that reason was so she would be alive to see her daughter grow up, get married, have children, and learn to walk the path of life with her head held high in spite of the difficulties life can throw at you.

We need to come to a better understanding of how to have our voices heard without completely losing our dignity, and if my voice, and all my experiences can help one woman find her voice with dignity, then all my personal struggles, along with those of my 5 aunts, multiple cousins and 4 beautiful daughters will not have been in vain.

It’s time we hear the truth, and start coming to reasonable compromises and solutions without acting like fools in the streets.

May the future derive wisdom from the past in order to sustain a positive future.




Words with Granny…

Many years ago, when I was a child, I was assigned to interview someone I admired. I admired many people, so it took me a bit to whittle it down to whom I would choose. In the end, I chose my Granny. She has seen so much, wise eyes, wicked kind of wise. Woman knew you were up to no good before you did it, and had a switch at the ready too. Wicked wise.

During the interview, I asked my grandmother about childhood. She said she was dirt poor on a farm, but she was happy. She saw the invention of the radio and one landing in every American home. She spoke of how they gathered around the radio to listen to the weekly program, news, and music. She thought it was truly beautiful, magical.

After listening to her life, I then asked her if she felt we lost anything with the invention of the radio and later TV?

She said yes, we lost family. Family values, family morals, family sticking together come hell or high water. She said too many people think this world owes them something and they are completely missing the reality of you have to survive, and in order to do that, you need your family.

As an elementary student, I had no idea what she was talking about, and well, I saw family as an ever morphing scenario of change. People come, people go. The love is never less, just the distance it must travel to be received. Like a phone from the heart. I was in 3rd grade, from a broken home as they so eloquently put it these days, and maybe I was a bit naïve, or maybe I was wise beyond my years. Only you can decide that…

My grandfather was a WW2 veteran, and he was a hero in my eyes, like a walking GI JOE, and he held a place of high honor to me. I did not realize the magnitude of what my grandparents faced for quite some time, and even still don’t truly understand, but the one thing I know, is they spent all of their adult lives married, for better or worse, and they spent years in the depths of hell on earth and still made it through, survived, together, a rare gem of reality these days.

Granny was right, somehow with the invitation of the world, we lost the heart and soul of who we are. The people who walk beside us everyday, telling us we are capable of doing something even when doubt is screaming in your ears. The people who have our backs. And well, Granny, I am now a Grandmother, and this is what I wish I could say to you…

Thank you. Thank you for being a strong woman who stood through hell to fight. Thank you for the 6 children you brought into this world. Thank you for the grandchildren you watched over until you just physically couldn’t do it anymore. Thank you for the bounty of the harvest that comes in grandchildren and great grandchildren and even great-great grandchildren. Our family became it’s own city when we are all in one place together. Massive. WOW!

They are the true leaders, the leaders in my heart. When life got hard, I would think about what others I knew whom had struggled through, and I knew that because they survived, I could too. And it is with that knowledge and wisdom I have tried to guide my children through a very vastly different scope of life than what our ancestors started out with, because one day, you may be grateful you listened, but if you didn’t, you’ll also thank me for the library of wisdom I have saved for you. Important things. Things I wish I had known earlier. Live in the present, but keep the knowledge of the past, and carry it forward. This is the true tree of life, wisdom passed down from generation to generation.

And lastly, if my Granny was still alive today, she would sit on her Welborn Throne with pride. She would see the accomplishments and failures of all, remember wicked wise eyes, and she would still be proud of all that has come to be accomplished by all her ancestors.

Pretty darn beautiful when you see the whole web of creation from a distant point.

Thank you GI JOE Grandpa, for because you fought so bravely, you gave me and many others the freedom to write this and give the bird to anyone who doesn’t like it!

Empty Nest Syndrome…

Wow, it’s been a while since I wrote and well, I’ve been busy, but the one thing that is certain about a talktative woman is eventually, she’ll have something to say. Most recently, like it or not, my youngest flew the coup. I’ll be honest, it was quite the shock to the soul, but like the rest of life, you get up, you keep going, come what may.

So, now that I am a newly graduated momma of raising children, I have some thoughts.

  1. No one is completely sane after raising children, especially stay at home mommas. Our whole lives have revolved around the management and maintenance of little people, and we are so used to the words ‘what do you need’ that we don’t know how to stop asking. Not kidding. We also, don’t know how to let go.
  2. Be forgiving of yourself. Every parent makes mistakes, and in hindsight there is always a million things you could have done different, or handled differently. The absence of heightened emotions that were present in the moment brings a level head of woulda coulda and shoulda. A song we have all sung.
  3. Remember you are one person and could not be everywhere at once, even in this modern day of so much technology, we are still not able to morph ourselves in the blink of an eye, though the Jetsons promised us otherwise. Hey hey, future technological genius people, here’s your cue, I promise the aging population would appreciate it.

And there are probably a lot more that I could suggest of, but my mind just isn’t there yet…stay tuned.

For the newest generations of mommas and daddies, you don’t have to know everything, for guidance is out there, if you listen. Don’t over judge your parents, trust me, I’ve been there, done that and found out over the next twenty years why they were nuts, and on some level, when you get here, you will be too. Bad things happen to good people, that is definitely true, for I’ve seen it happen many times, more times that I have ever wanted to. No one does.

For those of you about to embark on the arrival of a blessed event, congratulations. This is going to be the most perfectly imperfect thing you ever do. It will be amazing and terrifying all in the same breath, soak in every moment you can, for just when you think they won’t ever grow up, they do. Momma, rest when you can, even if the wonky hours of delight don’t match up with the rest of the world, neither does the schedule of a hungry infant. If we call when you just finally get to sleep, we’re sorry, and highly recommend turning off the ringer when you do get to rest.

For those just dipping their toes in the shallow waters of parenthood, understand that this is the easy times, even if they can’t communicate yet. Trust me, when they can, you’ll sometimes wish they hadn’t. Out of the mouths of babes. You will understand…eventually.

And for those who have just crossed the threshold of childhood into adulthood, just stepping on the edge of the warm sands and thinking whew, I made it. Yes, congratulations you survived childhood. Now, it’s time to support your own needs, build your own dreams, and find your home in the world. I am always here, and if you should need, I will guide you. Part of letting go is trusting that you can do it, even if you are doubting yourself in so many ways right now. The fear is always the unknown, and part of finding your way is figuring out the unknown and making it a known so that you have the necessary knowledge to move forward.

It’s definitely an adventure, and where you start out may not necessarily be where you end up. And, sometimes the people you think are going to be there forever are not there at the next stage of your journey. Don’t take them for granted, for I cannot tell you how many people I miss now that they are gone, and some, I don’t miss that much at all. You’ll find your people. Part of adulthood is learning to build your own extended family in the world. It doesn’t mean anyone is loved less, just that life happens and decisions are made and once you do, you cannot always go back, even if you wished they would just hug you one more time.

Welcome to the funniest, craziest, most bewildering adventure on the planet…may the force be with you, for you’re going to need it.

Good Luck and Best Wishes…

Talkative Woman




Texas – the whole story…

Holy shit!!! That’s the short version. A category 4 hurricane hit the Texas/Louisiana coastline and all hell broke loose. Those things are Titans!! (Yes I mean those Greek mythology things that you learned about in school. Just cause I talk funny don’t mean I’m stupid. Just Texan.)

And wow, what I saw was absolutely nothing short of amazing. Redemptive. 

For several years now, the media has been dividing this country in order to conquer, and well, it was working. All this hatred everywhere.

And then, boom. Texas 2017, Harvey happened. We were on our own. Get out, hunker down, stay put or run like hell. 

I was planning to evacuate. Packed everything up, and walla. I knew by Friday afternoon, we were in deep shit. OK, hunker down and hold on. 

My husband’s company continued working until the arrival of the storm. Who knows how many people got out because they stayed.  Plant workers stayed and shut down plant operations. Made sure the whole coastline didn’t blow up. 

Medical personnel and first responders, they stayed, went mobile, and were reacting before the storm hit. 

By just watching the city, you knew, stay off the roads. Get to high ground and call for help if you flood. Mmmmk. 

This is gonna suck, but here we go…

Rockport got nailed, comparatively to a series of F5 tornadoes came in from the sea. And well, Dallas is used to that, so hey, we can help, and charge, people came running, rushing in when so many were trying to get out. Evacuees were the first flood. Then came the heros and rescuers. That was the second flood. No one else could get out. 11.2 million people. 

The reality is this…there is 46% of the whole population of Texas living in the coastal towns. So why didn’t we evacuate? Harsh truth, we couldn’t. More people would have been lost trying to flee the floods than just pulling people out ahead of the waters as they go. 

And the waters came. The river delta of Texas flooded and the whole world saw the pictures, the videos, the news. 

Hatred didn’t save any lives. Humanity did. Hatred between antifa and white supremacy groups. Those groups would have drowned fighting each other. 

But, here in Texas, race fell apart and humanity showed up. I saw an army of boats, civilian boats, and race didn’t decide whom lived or died. I saw black hugging white, and white hugging black. I saw the humanity of Texas fighting for survival, and each person played their role. 

I spose mine was to tell the story to the world in words, Texas style.

I’m proud to be a Texan, and well, the people of Texas should be proud. For far more survived the Titan than plundered and fell. And more than anything, hope spread by actions far better than any words could convey. 

So, antifa, white supremacy, sit down and shut up. This is America. Right now, gas has been shut down. No production. Time for reserves. Production will start back soon, cause this is Texas, and we fix things that are broken. Who knew that our actions could reverberate through the world?

Houston will rebuild. Loved ones will be deeply missed. But in the end, we changed the narrative of this nation. So, now, the great question left is will humanity continue to prosper in spite of the negativity being spread? One can truly hope so.

It shouldn’t take a Titan to remind the world to, as the great Veggie put it, just love. 

Because tomorrow is never promised or guaranteed. 

This, I believe was the truest lesson from both world wars. That when all hell breaks loose, stand up, work together and accomplish a goal. And each person plays a role in how that develops. 

I choose to move forward with love. What about the rest of the world?

Premature Beginnings

18.5 years ago…

July 1998. I knew from the moment I found out I was pregnant with twins that it was either going to be a miracle or the biggest heartbreak of my life. Fortunately, I was lucky, I got the miracle. And yes, at 10 weeks premature, miracle is the only word that fits. 

My children came into this world and faced instant struggle. Plans didn’t consist of days or years in advance, it was literally a heartbeat at a time. Because everything could be seemingly fine one second and the next, your child is crashing, your on your knees crying and watching the experts perform CPR, praying to whatever will listen to you not to take your children. 

It’s a rollercoaster, a bitter sweet set of emotions. The successes bring on the highs, and the set backs bring you to your knees. 

Nothing, not even medical school, could have prepared me for the war with the universe for my children’s lives. And yes, I know how dramatic that sounds, but that’s the truest version of reality for a mother of premature babies. 

After 18.5 years, my children have successfully graduated from high school, and the one thing I have learned is perfect does not exist and that’s OK. 

I also learned that something of this magnitude is impossible without a support system, especially when you have two healthy children who just don’t understand why we can’t go play in the world they so desperately need to explore and learn about. 

It’s OK to ask your friends and family for play dates. It’s OK to say I need help, it’s OK to impose upon others availability. It’s OK, as long as you know that while they are in the care of others, they are safe. 

It’s also completely normal to have separation anxiety, as you have experienced a form of shell shock. You’ve seen the most desperate fight for survival play out before your eyes and know just how powerless that can make you feel. You have had to learn a whole new language that not many understand. You find that you became a dictionary somewhere along the way, though the memory of how is still a blur. Your so focused on one heartbeat, one breath at a time that you don’t even realize how much you change in the days of NICU. 

And well, no one tells you that going home is terrifying. The fragility of the situation is still there without the experts telling you what to do. There’s knocks on the door from complete strangers to come check the baby’s weight and monitor the level of needs the household has. 

And seemingly, from out of the dark, an angel arrives. Elma. Her name was Elma. She was the nurse assigned to my children’s home care when failure to thrive was still a continual beast beyond the NICU. When dehydration threatened the lives you have already fought so hard to maintain. When you’re covered in vomit with such a magnitude of force that you struggle to comprehend how so much can come out of something so small. And, you learn to trust your gut above and beyond what the experts assess. 

Over time, the bond becomes so strong that it’s almost like having X-ray vision. You know, you just know something is wrong, and if you wait till tomorrow, tomorrow may never come. You learn to fight battles others just cannot comprehend. You become a warrior, only your weapon is words. No swords, no fist, no violence. You learn to communicate with the expert class and realize that even they are not perfect. For not one could understand the bond that leads to just knowing something is not right. The sense of paralysis when you’re trying to explain what they clearly cannot see or measure. 

You learn to trust your judgement, because somehow, the warning bells screaming in your head, end up being accurate. 

And ultimately, this is a walk of triumphs and failures. That one good day can get you through a week of bad days. That when you feel weak and panicked, it’s OK to hide in the bathroom, crying, because it’s all you can do to deal with the magnitude of emotions flowing through you, because ultimately, somehow, you feel like it’s your fault your children are struggling so much. Whether it’s because of the fact that it was your body that was charged with the safe nurturing of your children, or because you feel selfish for asking your children to fight through such struggle at such a tender pace of development. 

Regardless, it’s completely normal to have your emotions send you to a corner to cry. It’s relieving, a reduction from the stress and anxiety coming constantly with such a brute force. 

And, yes, over time, the fear reduces. Life moves forward. And one day, if fate is on your side, you will celebrate the graduation ceremony of childhood.

The milestones are different, but they are worth it. 

And, I have to add this…just because…

These two girls on the left, the eldest of my children. They don’t realize it yet, but their love and time also greatly influenced the success of their siblings. They helped them reach those milestones because they had an example of what they were fighting so hard to accomplish. They were teachers far sooner than they were ready for, but teachers they were. Whether it was showing how to walk, or how to be a big girl out of diapers, etc, they were the how to guide long before the time of google. 
So, to any mother’s who are currently in the beginning stages of this journey, it is possible. And, well, the definition of impossible is about to change for the better. Good luck.

I can’t…

I’ve heard this slogan often in this generation of new adults and parents, and I’m sure that we probably said it too. When life gets complicated, I can’t is quickly uttered and problem solving seems to go out the window.

So, let’s take a look at history with a personal aspect too. 
My grandparents survived the Great Depression and WW2. WOW, think about that. Think about being alive during this era of history and what it took to survive, not only taking care of yourself, but children too. 

Or perhaps the founding of America. Think about it, the founding fathers could have thrown up their hands and said eh, I can’t. And the formation of a new nation would have never occurred.

What about women’s rights. If women just threw up their hands and said I can’t, my mother would have never succeeded in accomplishing raising 4 children, two of which were on her own for the most part, and one premature daughter through a mountain of medical expenses, along with graduating college and having a successful career in accounting. 

And then, there’s my personal success story. I gave birth to 10 weeks premature twins, one boy, one girl. Both were diagnosed with failure to thrive. Both were not expected to survive. I can’t was never an option. If it was, I’d be mourning the loss of my children, not grateful for the hugs I can embrace 18.5 years later. And I truly understand just how lucky I am, because even with refusing to give up, sometimes the story doesn’t work out.

So, for the next generation of newly budding adults. We know it’s hard to be an adult. It’s not the rosy picture painted in your fantasies. It’s grueling, challenging, blood, sweat and tears kind of work. I can’t is basically the equivalent of failure to thrive. As long as this is your perception, you’re right, you can’t. You will fail, fall and tumble. 

So, put on your big boy and girl britches and stop saying I can’t and do what it takes to say I can. Life is a miracle and it’s never easy. Get used to it. 

Good luck. 

Blessings Ritual

Some call it prayers, some call it magic, language matters not…

This year for Christmas/Yule, I sent each one of my children a blessing for the next year. I thought long and hard about this one word that had to encompass so much. What did each of them truly need most? 

Then I built a wreath out of Holly and mistletoe, and it was beautiful. It truly represented a circle of love hung upon the door.

Each of us gathered, and made our wishes written upon Bay leaves and we prepared to burn it with the birth of the New Year. 

On the second night of the year, we gathered at the outdoor activities area, aka the BBQ, and we placed our wishes upon the wreath. And we lit that beautiful wreath on fire. The aroma that carries around the fire is quite cleansing, relaxing, and a peace falls over you. And for a moment, nothing but love exist. 

So, with a magnitude of love unmeasured by time, I wished for my children three things.

I wished them hope, hope in the darkest hour, hope to guide them every step, and hope to pull them through when they felt lost. 

I wished them success. I wished them success in all bounties it’s measured, love, laughter, smiles, hugs, and so much more. 

And lastly, I wished them wisdom. Wisdom in their endeavors and trials through life. That when the hardest and most difficult of decisions in life come, they can find their way through the storm. 

I’ve watched each of them grow with their own grace and beauty, and they are strong, and some are wise beyond their years, but I truly believe that each are capable of making their lives beautiful. 

Welcome to adulthood my children. Good luck and I wish you all the best.